The #1 Thing Every Man Wants
I ran a poll on Twitter recently, which confirmed something I already suspected. The question was, “What do men desire the most?” The trite answer that everyone gives is that men crave money, power, and sex. There’s some validity to that. But at the very core of the answer is one fundamental desire—respect. Men want respect. The world says that if men have loads of money, influence, and women, they can command respect. While I disagree with the world’s definition of how a man wins respect, I do agree that the typical man does, in fact, have a fundamental desire for respect. How do you win respect? How does a young man forging his way in life win the respect he craves?
The Respectable Dr. Hart
To answer that question, I want to tell you about a man I’m closely acquainted with whom I respect very much. For the sake of protecting his identity, I’ll call him Dr Hart. Dr Hart is one of the most admirable men I know. He has a wonderful marriage and family and lives in a beautiful house on a well-manicured farm. He is well-known in the community, respected in the church as an exemplary teacher, in the medical community as a leader, and in the local ag community as a forward-thinking regenerative farmer. He is loved and respected everywhere he goes. Did Dr. Hart arrive where he is by accident? Did he just stumble upon becoming a respectable man? Nope!
Dr Hart wasn’t born into a wealthy family. Dr Hart was raised on the mission field. He tells stories from his early years of driving beater trucks, working dangerous manual labor jobs, skimping and saving, trusting God, and seeking to build out a difficult vision for his life. Was it worth it for Dr. Hart? Absolutely! He is a man respected wherever he goes—a man who has built a legacy that is larger than himself and a legacy that will outlive himself. He is a man whose legacy will last for eternity through the lives of those whom he has led to Christ!
If you’re seeking to fulfil that deep need for respect that I believe God placed at our core as men, know that it is possible. It is possible for YOU to gain respect for yourself. But here’s the oxymoron—you win respect for yourself by not focusing on yourself. Why is Dr Hart respected in his church community? He serves others and teaches to equip others. Why is Dr Hart respected in the medical community? He serves his patients and the teams that he leads. Why is Dr Hart respected in the farming community? He is constantly sharing his unique regenerative farming knowledge with others and sharing proceeds from his farm with others. What he has built, he has built to be a blessing to others! That’s why others respect him!
How to Win Respect
If you want to win the respect of others, you will have to make a radical decision for your life. Here it is—will I live selfishly or selflessly? There is only one path to respect. News flash… it’s not the selfish path. I’ll let you in on another desire that men have. It’s not a desire for respect. It’s a desire that is at direct war with the desire for respect. It’s the desire for pleasure.
You know what I’m talking about? Why do so many guys watch porn? That’s a loaded question that would take a while to unpack fully but a big part of it is porn gives guys pleasure without responsibility. Why do so many guys live at home into their late 20’s working a dead-end job, playing video games every day? Why do so many guys reach for the addictive food in crinkly bags and drive-throughs? A large part of the answer lies in the battle between selfishness and selflessness… the war between building a life of pleasure versus a life of respect.
If any of the above things describe you, that’s ok. The path you’re on today won’t lead to respect but you can choose a path today that will lead to respect. As Jim Rohn said, “You cannot change your destination overnight but you can change your direction overnight.” Isn’t that inspiring?
Think about the destination you want. Can you imagine yourself at age 40 or 50 still living in a cheap apartment, single and lonely, making $20/hour, still playing video games, watching porn, overweight with pre-diabetes, and about 5 years away from needing open heart bypass surgery? Is that what you want?
Winning Respect Is NOT Automatic
When we were kids, we experienced automatic growth—we automatically grew taller, faster, stronger, and smarter. When we hit about 18 years old, we expect that automatic growth to continue. But, it doesn’t! In adulthood, growth only happens intentionally. No one improves by accident! Just as Dr Hart’s story illustrates, it is up to us to take full responsibility for creating a vision for our future and striking out to create it. As Bruce Springsteen said, “A time comes when you need to stop waiting for the man you want to become and start being the man you want to be.”
Write out a vision for the man you want to be. Literally. Write it out. Make it a vivid description that moves you to action. Then, take action. Start being that man today! When that vision of who you want to be is a vision built around serving others and creating value for others, you will undoubtedly begin to win the respect of those around you. Commit today to take the high road. Say no to the selfish man and say yes to the selfless man. Say no to the man of pleasure and say yes to the man of respect. You can’t change your life until you change what you do every day. Start today. Just do it! As John Maxwell says, “The longer you wait to do something you should do now, the greater the odds that you will never actually do it.”
My Challenge to You
If you’re still sitting on the fence, let me share a song with you. I’m horrible at remembering lyrics but this chorus has stuck with me for almost 2 decades since I was a young teenager. It’s a song by Steven Curtis Chapman called “See the Glory.”
Here’s the chorus:
“I’m playing Game Boy standing in the middle of the Grand Canyon.
I’m eating candy sitting at a gourmet feast.
I’m wading in a puddle when I could be swimming in the ocean.
I know the time has come for me to wake up and see the Glory”
You have incredible potential! I mean that! You really, really do have phenomenal potential to leave a great impact in this world by serving, leading, teaching, creating, and building! But sometimes, we completely miss the potential we have! My challenge to you is to put down the figurative Game Boy and look up! Seize hold of your spectacular adventure in the vast Grand Canyon! Put down the cheap Walmart candy and pick up your fork to partake in the lavish feast before you. Get out of the little mud puddle and go plunge into the ocean! Wake up!
You want to satisfy your need for respect? You won’t build a legacy bigger than yourself that outlasts yourself if you live for yourself. You can’t live as a consumer and die leaving this world a better place. Go build a tremendous life that leaves a mark for the better in this world! Go build a legacy bigger than yourself that outlasts yourself! The time has come for you to wake up and start doing the tremendous things that God desires to do through you.
One response to “Are You Playing Game Boy in the Middle of the Grand Canyon?”
Ben, this is a great article and it’s true we have to earn respect. I learned many years ago that it’s not about me it’s about living for Jesus. When you don’t respect God, you don’t respect yourself.